Dr. Onyeije’s Maternal-Fetal Medicine Blog

Study: Mothers and Fathers Play Differently

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Oxytocin has been called "the love hormone" because levels of it rise in women during childbirth and breast-feeding, and it is thought to facilitate bonding. It is present in men, too, and everything from eye contact to orgasm can increase its amount.

But does the hormone stimulate bonding in new fathers as it does in new mothers? A new study in the journal Biological Psychiatry, the first to look at what its authors describe as “the transition to fatherhood,” suggests that it does. And it also suggests a biological basis for the fact that men and women so often relate differently to infant and toddlers, with women more often cooing and cuddling and men tickling and tossing.

First, Israeli researchers took blood samples from 80 couples, all first-time parents, when their children were 6 weeks, and then 6 months, old. Oxytocin levels at 6 weeks, they found, were just as high in new fathers as they were in new mothers (partners appear to “match” each other in the production of the hormone), and the levels rose over the next four and a half months.

The researchers also observed the couples as they interacted with their infants, noting how often each parent did things like gazing at the child, talking “mommy-ese” to him or her, playing with them and otherwise stimulating love and learning. Women with the highest levels of oxytocin were most likely to demonstrate what the journal article calls “affectionate parenting behaviors” while men with the highest levels were most likely to demonstrate “stimulatory parenting behaviors.”

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New Parent Survival Tips

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Think of becoming a parenthood as starting a job. In time, you'll learn the skills, such as changing diapers and giving baths. However, it could take weeks or even months to feel like you've mastered it all. Tricia O'Brien, Features Editor for American Baby Magazine gives first time parents advice on how to get a handle on their new occupation.

In the first week focus on feeding. You might struggle with breastfeeding. It can be really hard at first but there is hope. Take it one step at a time. Work on getting the baby to latch on correctly. Have a lactation consultant come to your home. And don't be afraid to admit that breastfeeding is hard.

Week two it is time to find ways to get your sleep because by now you are exhausted. You're feeding the baby every 2-3 hours (if you're nursing) and every 3-4 hours (if you're formula feeding) which means waking up 2-3 times a night. Also, even though newborns sleep a lot (16 to 18 hours), some don't do it at the "right" times. Nap when the baby does or map your bedtime to the baby's. If you're formula feeding, alternate late-night feedings with your spouse. Breastfeeding moms can pump after a month or so, so Dad can help. Wake your child during the day if he sleeps more than four hours at a stretch, but keep the lights dim, even during diaper changes. Ask for help and accept any that's offered. If it is not baby related, like housekeeping, let it slide.

By week three you are trying to find a way to juggle it all. But, caring for a baby is time-consuming. With the feedings, diaper changes, and laundry it's hard to get anything else done. And most spouses have headed back to work and a visiting grandma may have packed up her bags. So, the thing to do now is be realistic about what you can accomplish. Set one non-baby-related goal every day, like doing a load of laundry, making a phone call, or writing two thank you notes.

In week four you probably will be settling into a routine. Even though things are getting into a groove, you may be coming to terms with things that didn't go as expected. You might have had to give in and supplement with formula and/or use a pacifier. You also may feel isolated from long stretches at home alone with baby. Make an effort to get out at least once a day, even if it's just a walk around the block. Also, surround yourself with other new moms by joining a new mommy group.

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Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka Are Expecting Twins!

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How I Met Your Mother star Neil Patrick Harris and his partner David Burtka are expecting twins, a boy and a girl, this fall!

The 37-year-old actor took to Twitter to confirm the happy news:

"So, get this: David and I are expecting twins this fall. We're super excited/nervous/thrilled. Hoping the press can respect our privacy..."

Last year it was reported that the soon-to-be dads had paid a visit to the Growing Generations surrogacy agency in Los Angeles – the same agency used by Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, whose twins were born June 2009. It looks as though those rumors may not have been far off!

Neil and David, a chef/actor, have been together for approximately six-years.

Congrats to the happy couple!

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Kelsey Grammer & New Girlfriend Expecting

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Frasier star Kelsey Grammer, 55, and his new girlfriend, British flight attendant Kayte Walsh, 29, are expecting a child together.

"Kayte and Kelsey are happy to confirm what Kayte's father told the London Daily Mail is true," Grammer's publicist confirms with People.

At 55 the Cheers star is two years older than Kayte's father, Alan Walsh, who confirmed his daughter's pregnancy to the Daily Mail. "It’s great news and we are very pleased for them both," he said. "I don’t know how long they have been together and I have not met him yet, but I’m looking forward to it. We just found out about her pregnancy a couple of days ago."

Kelsey's marriage to Camille Donatacci, with whom he has a daughter Mason, 8, and son Jude, 5, ended earlier this year. He also has a daughter Spencer, 26, and Greer Kandace, 18, from previous relationships.

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Jeff Gordon and Wife Welcome a Son

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Congratulations to Jeff Gordon and his wife Ingrid Vandebosch who welcomed their second child on August 9. The NASCAR driver announced the happy news on his website: "Leo Benjamin Gordon was born at 8:53 a.m., weighed 7 pounds, 2 ounces and was 19 inches long. He's happy and healthy, and Mom is doing great," said Gordon.

Jeff and Ingrid are already parents to 3-year-old daughter, Ella. The four-time NASCAR Cup Series champion won't be home for long! He's heading to Michigan later this week to participate in all on-track activities at Michigan International Speedway, site of this weekend's NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race.

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Rod Stewart and wife expecting second child

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Rod Stewart is going to be a dad again.

His wife, Penny Lancaster, 39, discovered she was pregnant again while the two were celebrating their third wedding anniversary in June in Portofino, Italy, reports Hello! magazine.

Rod and Penny have a four-year-old son, Alastair, and Rod also has five other children from previous relationships -- Kimberly, 30; Sean, 29; Ruby, 23; Renee, 18 and Liam, 15.

They said in a statement to Hello: "We were thrilled and delighted to be able to tell Alastair that he was going to be the big brother to a little baby, expected just before Mummy's 40th birthday." And just after Daddy turns 66.

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Need a Mortgage? Don’t Get Pregnant

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Expectant parents shopping for a home are not the only ones concerned about the date of the baby's arrival.

Mortgage lenders are taking a harder look at prospective borrowers whose income has temporarily fallen while they are on leave, including new parents at home taking care of a baby. Even if a parent plans on returning to work within weeks, some lenders are balking at approving the loans.

"If you are not back at work, it's a huge problem," said Rick Cason, owner of Integrity Mortgage, a mortgage firm in Orlando, Fla. “Banks only deal in guaranteed income these days. It makes sense, but the guidelines are sometimes actually harsher than they need to be.”

Back in the slapdash days of easy credit, lenders were more likely to overlook the fact that a parent was out on maternity or paternity leave. But now that lenders have become more conservative, they are requiring new parents to jump through more hoops to prove their income will be enough to cover the mortgage.

So before some prospective parents start spending their Sundays at open houses, they should be prepared to deal with some complications. They may have to delay the purchase, deal with the banks’ bureaucracy (and requests for extra paperwork) or buy a home they can afford on one salary.

“Maternity leave or any other leave of absence often prevents a person from obtaining a mortgage,” said John Councilman, president of AMC Mortgage in Fallston, Md. “There are some who long for the days when such strict proof of income was not required.”

The lenders’ new attitude can be traced, in part, to new loan quality-control measures that went into effect earlier this year. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the two quasi-governmental mortgage giants that buy the bulk of conventional loans from lenders, have not changed their rules for qualifying for a mortgage. But the system of checks and balances has been tightened, making lenders increasingly skittish.

Fannie, for instance, now requires lenders to recheck a borrower’s financial situation right before the loan closes. That includes calling an employer to verify employment. Before, lenders required only a statement in writing. Fannie’s new rules went into effect on June 1. Freddie’s similar rule took effect in January.

Both Fannie and Freddie have always required that borrowers have enough income to pay for the loan on closing day — and the lender must document that the income is likely to continue for at least three years.

But here is how some lenders are interpreting the guidelines for, say, a new mother receiving short-term disability insurance for a couple of months (new mothers may receive disability payments while on maternity leave, though the amount and length depend on state law and company policies).

Since the disability payments will not continue for three years, these lenders will not count it as qualifying income, brokers said, and will require the new mother to reapply for the mortgage once she returns to work. (The same logic may apply to an injured employee receiving worker’s compensation.)

That is what happened to Elizabeth Budde, a 33-year-old oncologist who lives in Kenmore, Wash. She nearly lost her mortgage after a loan officer learned she was home with her newborn.

With stellar credit and a solid job, Dr. Budde said she had been notified via e-mail that she was approved for a loan on June 15. But that note prompted an automatic, “out of the office” e-mail reply from Dr. Budde’s work account, which said she was out on maternity leave.

The next day, Dr. Budde received a second e-mail message from the lender, this time denying her loan approval. Since “maternity leave is classified as paid via short-term or temporary disability income,” the e-mail message said, it could not be used because it would not continue for three years.

The message also said the lender could not consider her regular, salaried income because she was not on the job. “I was really shocked,” Dr. Budde said. “At the time, they didn’t know how I was getting paid for my leave.”

The lender suggested that she get a co-signer — her husband is a graduate student, so his income was not enough to qualify — or reapply after she returned to work. But with the help of a representative from her real estate brokerage firm, Redfin, Dr. Budde was finally able to explain that she was receiving her full salary during her time off since she was using accumulated sick and vacation days. Once she provided a letter from her employer, proving her case, she was able to requalify.

Janis Smith, a spokeswoman for Fannie Mae, said there was nothing in its guidelines that would prohibit a borrower on maternity or paternity leave from qualifying for a mortgage, as long as the borrower had proof at the time of the closing that his or her income would be adequate upon returning to work. Letters from a doctor (with a return date) and the employer (stating the return date and salary) should be enough, she added.

Lenders cannot ask a woman if she is pregnant, brokers said, but they can ask borrowers if they expect their employment or income situation to change.

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Vince Vaughn & Wife Expecting First Child!

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Wedding Crashers star Vince Vaughn, 40, and wife Kyla Weber, 32, are expecting a baby following their wedding in early January, a source confirms exclusively to In Touch.

Last September, Vaughn said after spending years as a bachelor, he was ready for his life to be about other things - even a baby! "It's the first time that I really want to have kids," he said. A friend of the couple tells In Touch that the two are "thrilled" about the news.

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Scott Stapp Welcomes Baby No. 3!

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Congratulations to rocker Scott Stapp and his wife Jaclyn!

The happy couple welcomed son Daniel Issam Stapp at 3:01 p.m. on Sunday, July 4, the Creed frontman announced via Twitter.

"It is such a true blessing to be a father and husband," Stapp, 36, says. "Again, I am reminded of how deeply I love, how deeply I respect, how deeply I admire and how deeply I appreciate my best friend, my only love, my wife — Jaclyn."

The couple are already parents to 3½-year-old daughter Milán. Scott also has a son Jagger, 11, from a previous marriage.

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Trent Reznor to be a dad

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Rocker Trent Reznor is to become a new dad - the Nine Inch Nails star's wife is pregnant.

Mariqueen Maandig has revealed she's expecting a baby in a new Women's Wear Daily interview.

Reznor wed his wife and musical collaborator last year.

The duo's first album has now been put on hold due to the pregnancy.

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